The Midnight News 7.24.01
Posted By Hyatte on 07.24.01
The Virus, Microsoft, ECW, Bischoff, Naked Broads, Kill the Pop-Ups, Ryder, Rock, God, Honky, and Me
Okay... dead... D.E.A.D newsday.... many people would just toss out a few oh-so brief notes then bail out after half a paragraph...
Not ME!!!! Oh NO!! I want to have FUN! So, I cooked up a s-load of crap to amuse, delight, and make you WORSHIP ME!!!!
Hell, I won't even mention RAW either!
RAW FEELINGS!!!
Okay, I lied.
Actually, I just want to ask why, in all that is HOLY, would they go and make Austin a "cowardly heel" again when goddam EVERYONE said this was a bad idea when he started doing this after Wrestlemania?
That's it.
AS THE WORM TURNS
How huge is this e-mail "I want your advice" epidemic?
So big that even Scherer called it "the worse virus I've ever seen."
So big that even Aint-it-cool news addressed it (yeah, like they need MY plug)
Well yesterday I gave you the cure... today, I give you an even EASIER cure!
Man, you are going to LOVE this F-Ing thing....
click THIS And read. Then download a simple little program. I'm on a phone line and STILL had the thing installed in 10 seconds. A little device pops up on your screen.... it will scour through your entire hard drive and clean out EVERY TRACE of the worm. You're all set and virus free within... maybe 2 minutes.
Do it... just in case... because once some a-hole sends you the thing... there's a chance you'll catch it. I got off lucky, WHO SAYS YOU WILL?????
KISS MY ASS AND EAT MY SHAFT!!!!! ONCE AGAIN, KING HYATTE HAS SAVED YOUR WORTHLESS ASSES!!!!
Oh, and thanks to Eric Dahlberg for the heads up.
MORE COMPUTER WOES
Be honest, how many of you ignored those warnings and now can't send e-mail out through Outlook Express? I triple checked the manual configurations and it's STILL F-ed up.
So today, I'll be staring at my screen for two hours downloading Outlook Express 5.0. MSN Support Services will point you the way.
Of course, since I STILL am the only guy who seems to USE MSN.... I may be boring you all to tears. Don't worry... cool stuff is still coming.
HOW MUCH FOR TOMMY DREAMER'S ENTIRE LIFE'S WORK??
A quarter mil. That's how much the WWF paid to get their hands on ECW's name and trademarks. I assume the Library comes with that... if not, then it soon will.
You gotta wonder if they'll be showing Austin running around pretending to be Hulk Hogan again.
MRS. BISCHOFF LIKES TUNA!
Eric Bischoff will be forced to take the stand in that Gold Club Trial later this week.
Yesterday. Jana Pelnis (HAW!!!!) took the stand. She's a dancer at the club.
Well, she says that Eric Bischoff's and his wife came to the club one night.... well, one thing led to your Mother and....
Ms. Pelnis performed "sexual favors" on Mrs. Bischoff.
LATER.... the Bischoffs took Janis to a Hotel.... where things got all SORTS of hardcore.
No wonder the guy couldn't book for sh*t.... could YOU concentrate on your job with a Wife sitting at home who enjoys her Three Ways?
I'm proud to say I broke the story of "Aunt Eric" MONTHS ago!
Now, what I want to know is which WRESTLERS did Mrs Bischoff take a shine to? If there wasn't a Four Way between Eric, the wife, DDP, and Kimberly, I will swallow my own jizz. I just KNOW Nash got some of her too. No WAY he gets off clean.
Okay... now for some free crap.
FREE CHOOCH
I got an e-mail last week from a guy who was so turned off by what he saw at
wrestling vixxxens that he would cancel his subscription.
So, because he knows I rule... I sent me his username AND password.... so I could have a look.
I have to tell you, Missy Hyatt is one weird looking chick, but there is a shot of her on a bed with her tongue out and what looksd like GOO all over her belly.... it was pretty sleazy-hot.
Anyway, since the guy was dumping the account ANYWAY.... well.. I thought, F-IT...
username: doghouse
password: doghouse
Go nuts.... do it quickly, because chances are they'll kill the account before Tuesday ends.
And if the guy had changed his mind and wanted to keep the account... I'm sorry bro'... I'm sure SOMEONE out there has a subscription to the site and will pass along HIS account and password for me to use.... and I'll send it off to you too.
Now, who out there has a subscription to 1wrestling? I promise, I WON'T GIVE IT AWAY HERE.... I'm only doing THIS because the guy said he was canceling.
KILL THE POP-UPS
I tried everything to get rid of pop-ups. Every program known to man. Hell, I've even disabled javascript. All of it caused problems.... all of it was a pain in the ass.
Then I found the EASIEST way to wipe out pop-up ads as soon as they form...
Hit the "alt" key, and the "f4" key at the same time. You can even hit "alt", then reach over and hit "f4" while pressing down.
That's it. The pop-ups go away as soon as they get there.... and the Lariat loads up nice and fast.
Ironic.... the best cure was at your fingertips the whole time.
THE NET: HOME TO INDEPENDENT THOUGHT
What do the Torch, The Observer, and RF Video all have in common?
"Van Dam's stock soared last night, but he still has to prove that he can work safely with others before the WWF will let him work with top guys." Jason Powell at The Torch
"Rob Van Dam's stock obviously went up big-time last night, although not everyone is convinced about him." Meltzer at The Observer
"Rob Van Dam's stock rose tremendously after last night's great match against Jeff Hardy.": Gabe at RF Video
Okay.... which two of these idiots cribbed off the first?
I can't even bring myself to see if Scherer said anything.
Oy f-ing VEY!
SIX DEGREES OF RYDER FAKIN
not sure if you noticed...
Whether opinions may differ whether it was a work or shoot, most people would agree that the Montreal Incident was the beginning of the end for Bret Hart's wrestling career.
Bret Hart won his first of five WWF Championships at Wrestlemania X, where he defeated Yokozuna.
In the late 90's Yokozuna became a running joke on the Internet, as each time there was a "mystery partner" or "surprise return" promoted, Yokozuna was at the top of the list. This rumor usually began with Al Issacs of Scoopswrestling.com
The closing of independent Internet institutions like Scoopswrestling.com has led to wrestling websites actively pursuing a "subscription based service" in order to stay in business.
The first site to do this is 1wrestling.com.
1wrestling.com is owned by BOB.
Six Degrees of Ryder Fakin
Well, my man should be proud.... because from the sperm of Ryder Fakin there is born...
SIX DEGREES OF GOD IS ROCKY
I've been reading you awhile and thought I'd drop you a line. I'd kiss your ass and tell you what a great column you write, but why start our relationship out on that note. Anyway, that guy with the SIX DEGREES OF RYDER FAKIN game was fresh on my mind tonight during RAW when I had an epiphany. Vince wasn't just blowing smoke up Jeff Hardy's skirt...The Rock is the ONLY thing that can save me, you, and the entire WWF. The Rock only uses his wrestling alter-ego as a disguise. His real identity...God. Have you ever seen God and The Rock in the same place? And not that Buddha fag or Allah douchebag. The Rock is the walk on water, make the world in 6 days, water into wine God. Allow me to demonstrate as I play:
Six Degrees of God is Rocky
1: The Rock won a WWF Heavyweight Title from Kurt Angle
2: Kurt Angle follows the 3 I's
3. The 3 I's are rules to live by much like...The 10 Commandments
4. The 10 Commandments were brought down by Moses
5. Moses is a direct descendant of Adam and Eve.
6. Adam and Eve were the children of... thats right, God.
there you have it. The Rock is God...and vice versa.
Eh, needs work.
BUT, PLUGS
PK showed up and recapped
RAW for you.
Meanwhile, Craig Letawsky shows up with another
Ask411. YOUR questions, HIS answers.... and maybe even the RIGHT ones
Finally, this week's 411's Showcase column is from a frequent 411 message board poster named Mjoyeux. He writes about the good old days when wrestling was about super heroes and when Hulk Hogan actually MEANT something to the fans. I rejected it at first, but after a re-read, I decided that I liked the pureness of it. It's a solid column and a good effort.
TAKE US HOME, HONKY
You know, even though I do plug his site, I would like to say that you REALLY shouldn't actually GO there. I mean, I go there and pull his best comments. If YOU went there and searched around... then you would read everything I plan on posting.... thus the Midnight News would lose it's magic. Why do that to yourselves? Don't go there.. go HERE.... I'll tell you what he has to say.
For instance, (and the theme never changes with THIS guy), on Eric Bischoff:
Eric "let me bankrupt your company" Bishoff is ecpected to testify in federal court as early as tomorrow. Patrick Ewing was on the stand today. I hope to have the full report as this develops. I would love to see this prick in prison being punked by some heavy hung inmates.
And on Hulk Hogan:
Reports are coming in that the Hulkster will not be wrestling in his new group and maybe not even appearing. Seems Universal only wants Hogan's name on this new organization so as to draw people into the event centers at the park. Something like a Jurassic Park Theme ride. This will be a Hulk Hogan wrestling theme type thing with local Florida guys working two or three shows a day for the live audiences.
Finally, on guess who:
Last week I faxed Kevin Dunn's office at WWF Television. I stated I would be will to do commentary on any of the WWF shows at no charge. That's right, no charge. I will do it for free just to keep Lawler out. Hell I can giggle and yell puppies every second breath. I'll leave my wife at home too!
Jeeze... I mean, really... The WWF now owns EVERYTHING for the first time EVER and he has yet to even mention it.
Well, I'm finished. You got your virus cure, a ticket to naked babes (at least for a day), the ultimate pop-up killer, and reasons to goof on web ninnies. DO I ROCK OR WHAT????
Damn STRAIGHT
This is F-Ing Hyatte